Kate the Great (buirbe) wrote in emotional_bliss,
Kate the Great

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And another thing...

I am awesome. Yes. Not stupid. Not stupid. Never never ever stupid. Smart. Yes. Smart. And beautiful and graceful and tipsy topsy stark, nice and good and courteous in a way which extends past upbringing. I know people. I can read people. I empathize. I am that women from the Stark Trek episode that reads and understands and does what makes you happy and comfortable and most you without being asked. And I watch Star Trek. And I read Tolstay. Drink peppermint tea and makers mark and chain smoke on street corners with the familiarity of one conceived in the womb of CTA stops. My hair is pretty and my voice soothes and my bones bend with the stars.

I wish I knew this. I wish I could know this. Why doesn't he like me? Why doesn't he love me? Why do they all scare me so very much.? The funny and the lanky and the mod. The tall and the loud and the happy. Round pipe cleaners meeting oh so precariously for red kisses, screaming clever vernacular, chuckling deep sensitive chuckles, under nose and umbrella shadows and eyebrows you would cry to raise. How they hurt. How they all hurt. With their tongues and shoulders and touch and go generational love.

And another thing-I want my memory back. I want my childhood back. I wish. I wish she hadn't touched me. I wish he hadn't hit me. And they hadn't hurt me. Childhood. I wish they had let me be a child.

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