Chyem Vyelekee Eellewzeeya (mlleraquel) wrote in emotional_bliss,
Chyem Vyelekee Eellewzeeya

I get that some people look at me and think "I want her as a friend, nothing more, cause if that doesn't work there's no friendship left" and all that sort of deal. I get it. But why, pray tell, do people tell me that they were interested in me last year but they decided it wouldn't work out and they would rather have the friendship... a year after the fact? Excuse me while I throw things about in frustration.

"People that hide away like you do, I dunno. I want to see what's worth hiding."

Why don't people think that other than him, and he's a guy that I wouldn't date for several reasons, the main one being the fact that he has a girlfriend. But why can't other people look at me and think "I want to see what's worth all that." Why can't other people look at me, for crying out loud? I mean, yeah, there are the select few people that will actually tell me that I look nice. But you know what? A lot of them are girls, whom I love to death because they make me feel good about myself, and the guys... well, really, what do all guys look at? I am completely aware that any guy that tells me that I'm cute or something has made that decision based on my boobs. I have them, they aren't all that horrible looking, whatever. Don't even get me started on the fact that I don't understand what's so attractive about them.

I want something tangible. I'm sick of this. I'm alright with being friends with all these people but all I want is just one person to look at me differently, to make me feel special, to want to be more than just a friend. I get that it doesn't work that way, because I'm me and obviously that's just not the way the world works. The longer I go on like this the more it hurts. What is it about me that does this? Why don't people want to be with me? Is there honestly something so horrible and repulsive that I'm just not seeing in myself?
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